Farley's Castle

Growing up, every time I had a question I had three places where I could look to find the answer. One place was the encyclopedia, the second place was my mother (Momo) and the third place was my father (Chuck). We had two computers in the house that were only used by my parents for work. So when I asked either of my parents a question I never questioned them or found the information elsewhere. This was before they had smart phones and google. Now, when I ask questions I like to see how my parents answers correlate with answers I found online. The other day my brother asked Chuck, “why do you keep the pilot light on for a fire place, doesn’t it cost a lot of money?” Chucks response was, “the cost is very minimal, plus if you turn off the pilot light, spiders will crawl inside the pipes and build webs in the gas lines, which will clog them and potentially cause a fire.” I was taken back by this response because it sounds completely absurd. So I “googled” this information and found this. According to Marsh’s Stoves & Fireplaces, “Spider’s webs are thought to be the second-strongest material on earth, right behind the teeth of an aquatic creature known as a “limpet.” You probably won’t have any limpets fooling around in your fireplace during the summer, but you may very well have spiders. Spiders, for reasons unknown to mankind, like the smell of a compound called mercaptan, which gas companies add to their gas. When you turn off your pilot light, the light’s tubes will maintain a trace level of mercaptan, and that will attract spiders, who will spin webs that can clog the pilot light system. Leaving the gas on keeps this compound moving out of the tubes.” After I read this information I decided to stop googling any of his answers!

I saw something the other day that showed me chivalry isn’t dead in this world. A young man held open a door for his girlfriend. After he held the door open, I noticed that the door he held open was an exit door. The exit door was an automatic door. The door to enter the building was about 15 feet away. The young man showed great manors, however, he also showed a great deal of laziness.

I wanted to wish the United States Postal Service a happy 244th birthday. There is one letter carrier who takes this job and day extremely serious, as one should. That carrier is Cliff Clavin. Every year Cliff celebrates this day with respect and honor. In fact, Cliff acts as if it were his own birthday. So please join me today with a pint of fresh lager to celebrate this birthday.

I will be having a 4th of July party to celebrate America being 300 years old! I understand the party is 56 years away and I will be 79 years old but it will be awesome! So please keep this day open in your calendars. I don’t know where the party will be yet but I can promise you we will have lots of fireworks, beer and burgers. I will be sending out a Facebook invite soon so please accept!

In order to communicate these days you need a bitmoji. The bitmoji says everything from hello to happy birthday. I don’t have a bitmoji so I started saving the ones people send to me. There’s nothing like receiving a happy birthday bitmoji and then responding with a thank you using their own bitmoji. It really throws them off!

After reading a news article I have found that Buckingham Palace is hiring. The position they are searching for is Demi Chef de Partie. For those of you that do not speak French, a Demi Chef de Partie is an assistant to the head chef. I have officially applied for this position. I do hope my Taco Bell and McDonalds cooking/ service experience makes me qualified. For those of you that read the blog you know I have previously applied to be a butler. In the end I was turned down for the butler position. However, I have a good feeling about the chef position!

A friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks. Because of this we started talking about the wedding, mainly food and booze, because that’s what MEN DO! I made a point to say I always wanted someone to run into a wedding and yell, “I object”. The reason being is because I have never seen it and I want to see what happens. As we discussed the situation we came to a conclusion. In order for this objection to be perfect the groom has to pay off an ex boyfriend of the bride to run into the church. Otherwise the crowd won’t believe it! However, if the bride tries to run out with the ex that could ruin the whole plan so remember pick the worst of the worst for the ex. I love weddings!

Today I was watching television with Austin and Chuck when I had a question about the show. I asked, “how come witnesses always have to testify in court? Why can’t they video tape a confession? That way the persons life, in serious cases, would not be in danger.” Chuck’s response was, “so the jury can see the witness.” Austin’s response was, “how do you know that behind the camera a person isn’t pointing a gun to make them testify?” Austin has said many, scratch that, mostly idiotic things in his life. However, this was the smartest thing he has ever said. I am so proud of that boy. Children grow up so fast!

The song “We Didn’t Start the Fire” was a summary of history from 1949-1989. I think Billy Joel should remake “We Didn’t Start the Fire”, with modern lyrics. Basically anything from 1989-2019. Think about all the crazy incidents that have happened in this time period! Remember you heard it here first.

On this day in 1995 Amazon officially opened for business. After 24 years their market value is over $ 250 billion. The creator of Amazon is the richest man in the world. What is more amazing is that Farley’s Castle and Amazon both share the same birthday; July 16! One day Farley’s Castle will be worth billions just like Amazon.