Hello Neighbor

While I was driving I noticed a nice-young couple moving into a house. They were so happy even with all the boxes stacked up outside. This made me think. What if I show up to a recently sold house wearing a military uniform and pretend that I used to live there? I would act as if I didn’t know my parents sold their house or where they move to. The couple would be very taken back but at least I could get a free meal out of it. After considering this I decided that it wasn’t funny enough. So I changed my mind about the whole situation. Instead I decided, what if I show up to the house acting as if I was recently paroled from prison. This would make the new home owners really on edge. I would mention how my parole officer had me put my parents address, but I didn’t know they moved. After a few minutes I would of course tell the couple it was a joke and welcome them to the neighborhood.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Gender Neutral

I went into Ace Hardware today to get a cable TV connector. As I walked around the store an employee was kind enough to help me. He handed me several options and asked, “Are you looking for a male or female connector.” I kindly replied, “Do you have any gender neutral connectors.” I giggled to myself but he did not find it funny. It turns out there are no gender neutral cables. Someone should really tell these companies to get with the times!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Happy Independence Day

245 years ago a group of men and women stood up to a tyrannical government. From April 19, 1775- September 3, 1783 over 6,800 Americans lost their lives fighting for freedom. As we enjoy this holiday let us toast and celebrate the men and women who have fought and died in the numerous wars and conflicts in order to ensure our freedoms today. As Ronald Reagan once said, “Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.” With that being said I would like to wish everyone a happy Independence Day!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day to my fellow Americans. For those that do not know why we have Monday off here is the definition as to why, “Memorial Day or Decoration Day is a federal holiday in the United States for remembering the people who died while serving in the country’s armed forces.” We will forever thank our men and women for their acts of valor. One of our greatest presidents, Ronald Regan, delivered a powerful speech that commemorates this day. I share it every year so here you go. God bless The United States of America.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Meghan Wayne Gacy

Meghan has been reading a book before bed called, “John Wayne Gacy: Defending a Monster.” I know what you’re thinking and yes, I bought her the book. Anyhow, the book has been sitting on her bedside table and it didn’t occur to me until today that the front cover is extremely creepy (see above for visual representation). Naturally, Meghan and I thought of ways we could use the front cover for our comical exploitations. Before I could say anything Meghan suddenly remembered we have furniture being delivered next week. So she decided we’re going to leave the book next to a notepad with a crossed off shopping list of “supplies” that are needed to clean up large messes. In addition to this, I decided a pair of rubber gloves next the notepad and book would be the icing on the cake. I will let you know how it goes. Stay tuned.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

North of the City

The other day while I was enjoying reading the Sunday newspaper something really stood out to me. A title read, “Person shot and Killed while Several Injured North of the City.” The shooting portion was not the part that stood out to me. Chicago shootings are simply tallies on a chalk board at this point. The geography of the article is what stood out to me. With the title saying north of the city one would assume the shooting happened in Jefferson Park, Norwood park or heck even Evanston; however, this was not the case. The shooting happened in Kenosha. For those of you unfamiliar with that area, Kenosha is in Wisconsin. That is about a 65.9 mile drive. And for those that like to “nitpick”, then yes technically Kenosha is “north” of the city. However, that does not justify the means of using the term north to describe the location. If that’s the case then south of the city is Decatur and west is Dubuque. The only justification for this writing is to assume that the author of the article is from Naperville and they insist on calling themselves from Chicago. Because in their defense they live in a “suburb” of Chicago.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

The Barstool Fund

At Farley’s Castle we try to steer away from politics as best as we can. However, in today’s changing climate of nut job politicians I have decided to break away from that today. Small businesses are being shut down and s**t on by the US government and it’s a disgrace. I am tired of people pointing fingers sayings it’s the Republicans or the Democrats when in the end it’s our whole government system. The United States of America was created because we were oppressed by a tyrannical government. Well today it’s sad to say, but the government that we have feared so much has mutated into the disgusting filth we see in Washington, D.C. I have seen very few people that want to speak out publicly about “our” authoritarian rulers. However, David Portnoy of Bar Stool Sports has broken his silence and has lashed back at the government in a great way. Portnoy has created a fundraiser for small business in order for them to keep their livelihood and also pay their employees. I urge you to read the article attached below.

https://www.barstoolsports.com/blog/3185612/introducing-the-barstool-fund

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

MyTeeUSA

Farley’s Castle has teamed up with a TRUE AMERICAN company, MyTee USA. MyTee USA offers a variety of clothing and other accessories that can be made to fit your style. All of these products are vibrant and meant to be displayed proudly, just like our American Flag. On top of that, MyTee USA donates 10% of all of its earnings to support the Mission of St. Judes Hospital. Read more about MyTee USA by clicking the link below. While you’re at it, browse around and buy a tee or two. MyTee USA embodies the mighty USA!

https://myteeusa.com

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

True Love

The other day I was reading a news article about a man named Melvin Martin Jr. that killed his girlfriend. While I was reading I was expecting the usual, domestic dispute turned bloody. Although this was the case, there was also a different twist on the story. The article stated how Martin travelled from Louisville to Chicago with several bags of luggage. He stayed with family members for the night but kept asking them for clothes. Of course the family members thought this was strange because he had so many bags of luggage. After Martin left, his family checked his bags and discovered an eerie sight. The family found Martins girlfriend dismembered and stuffed into multiple suitcases. Immediately the family alerted the authorities (snitches) and had Martin arrested. While Martin was being arrested a police officer asked him why he brought her all the way to Chicago. Martin simple stated, “I wanted to remain with her, or at least part of her.” I tell you that’s true love right there!

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Masks are a Joke. Let us Smoke

There is a lot of controversy about wearing masks inside. Some people say, “what is the point” or “do these things really work.” While others say, “these masks save lives.” Well I agree and disagree with both sides. However I have decided to take a different stance on the subject. I researched how effective N95 masks are against airborne particles. I have found that these masks actually block 95% of particles, hence the name N95. As I dug deeper into my research I also found these masks block harmful carcinogens such as those in cigarette smoke. With all this information I have created a solution that will stop all these arguments. I propose all bars and restaurants that require masks allow smoking indoors. I mean it only makes sense. The mask block Covid pathogens almost the same way as smoke particles. Please join my petition to bring back smoking indoors. Join the chant and hashtag, “Masks are a Joke. Let us Smoke.”

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment