Farley's Castle

After watching several movies I have noticed that Hollywood incorporates binge drinking in several movies. I am not upset on how drinking is portrayed in media, I am simply upset with how actors react during and after drinking. If you watch closely actors can rip shots and chug beers without any issues. Now I am not saying they can or can’t handle their alcohol in real life. All I am saying is their acting is not believable. If these actors could really hold their own then their six pack abs would be more of a one pack. I have seen townies at a pub that can finish a bottle and a case in one sitting and let me tell you they are not going to the gym in the morning to work on their physique. Another reason the acting is not believable is because the next morning, after pounding a handle of scotch, they are waking up bright and early ready to go. If they really wanted to make it believable they would pour a fresh beer and toss an egg in it. Now I am not trying to question the director or actors decisions. I am simply just trying to make it look more natural. If anyone in Hollywood would like to reach out I would happily provide my consulting services to help their films reach their fullest potential.

In todays age there have been many instances of people being banned from airlines, restaurants and many more establishments. After watching videos of some of these negative interactions it is very easy to understand why these people would be banned. Now personally I have only been banned from a few local and national establishments; some of these shall not be discussed. I thought I was a rebellious soul, however, after hearing Meghan’s story I have realized that my probational status in various organizations seem like nothing. Meghan and I have been trying to buy wedding supplies on different websites. In order to save money I suggested we search eBay. After several awkward moments Meghan finally admitted how she is permanently banned from using this online platform. I had a very questionable look on my face as to not why but how can a person be banned from using a website such as eBay? I understand being blocked from Facebook or Twitter because they are social media platforms that want to limit free speech to only those that they deem are worthy; but an e-commerce corporation such as eBay? It turns out after selling something on eBay Meghan refused to pay the seller fee on a product. Instead of paying the fee and moving on Meghan decided to not pay the fee and fight the power. Due to refusing to pay the fee, eBay sent a deficiency letter and threatened to revoke her eBay privileges. Well eBay finally collected on their promise and Meghan is now banned from the service. This has been a first for me and I still have many questions. However it really makes you wonder where else have people been banned from?! Because of this story I have decided to start a new segment, “Banned from WHERE?!” If you, or anyone you know, have been banned from somewhere please send in your story because we would love to hear it!

These Charmin toilet paper commercials are going to be wild! Not only can I taste bear s**t but I can also taste the freshness of the toilet paper! What will science think of next?!

Meghan and I watched Darby O’Gill and the Little People the other day on Disney Plus. It may seem like a harmless film but there are some serious issues. Disney has blatantly discriminated against the Irish people. First off, not all Irish spend their time drinking in the pub. Many drink in their homes. Secondly, Irish people are not as short as they project. I once met an Irish person that was over six feet tall. Granted he was half Italian but still that’s beside the point. I just think if Disney can put a disclaimer label on Aladdin then they can put on one Darby O’Gill and the Little People.

While I was driving I noticed a nice-young couple moving into a house. They were so happy even with all the boxes stacked up outside. This made me think. What if I show up to a recently sold house wearing a military uniform and pretend that I used to live there? I would act as if I didn’t know my parents sold their house or where they move to. The couple would be very taken back but at least I could get a free meal out of it. After considering this I decided that it wasn’t funny enough. So I changed my mind about the whole situation. Instead I decided, what if I show up to the house acting as if I was recently paroled from prison. This would make the new home owners really on edge. I would mention how my parole officer had me put my parents address, but I didn’t know they moved. After a few minutes I would of course tell the couple it was a joke and welcome them to the neighborhood.

I went into Ace Hardware today to get a cable TV connector. As I walked around the store an employee was kind enough to help me. He handed me several options and asked, “Are you looking for a male or female connector.” I kindly replied, “Do you have any gender neutral connectors.” I giggled to myself but he did not find it funny. It turns out there are no gender neutral cables. Someone should really tell these companies to get with the times!

245 years ago a group of men and women stood up to a tyrannical government. From April 19, 1775- September 3, 1783 over 6,800 Americans lost their lives fighting for freedom. As we enjoy this holiday let us toast and celebrate the men and women who have fought and died in the numerous wars and conflicts in order to ensure our freedoms today. As Ronald Reagan once said, “Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.” With that being said I would like to wish everyone a happy Independence Day!

Happy Memorial Day to my fellow Americans. For those that do not know why we have Monday off here is the definition as to why, “Memorial Day or Decoration Day is a federal holiday in the United States for remembering the people who died while serving in the country’s armed forces.” We will forever thank our men and women for their acts of valor. One of our greatest presidents, Ronald Regan, delivered a powerful speech that commemorates this day. I share it every year so here you go. God bless The United States of America.

Meghan has been reading a book before bed called, “John Wayne Gacy: Defending a Monster.” I know what you’re thinking and yes, I bought her the book. Anyhow, the book has been sitting on her bedside table and it didn’t occur to me until today that the front cover is extremely creepy (see above for visual representation). Naturally, Meghan and I thought of ways we could use the front cover for our comical exploitations. Before I could say anything Meghan suddenly remembered we have furniture being delivered next week. So she decided we’re going to leave the book next to a notepad with a crossed off shopping list of “supplies” that are needed to clean up large messes. In addition to this, I decided a pair of rubber gloves next the notepad and book would be the icing on the cake. I will let you know how it goes. Stay tuned.

The other day while I was enjoying reading the Sunday newspaper something really stood out to me. A title read, “Person shot and Killed while Several Injured North of the City.” The shooting portion was not the part that stood out to me. Chicago shootings are simply tallies on a chalk board at this point. The geography of the article is what stood out to me. With the title saying north of the city one would assume the shooting happened in Jefferson Park, Norwood park or heck even Evanston; however, this was not the case. The shooting happened in Kenosha. For those of you unfamiliar with that area, Kenosha is in Wisconsin. That is about a 65.9 mile drive. And for those that like to “nitpick”, then yes technically Kenosha is “north” of the city. However, that does not justify the means of using the term north to describe the location. If that’s the case then south of the city is Decatur and west is Dubuque. The only justification for this writing is to assume that the author of the article is from Naperville and they insist on calling themselves from Chicago. Because in their defense they live in a “suburb” of Chicago.