Farley's Castle

Dear worried Americans,

The President-elect has had many people worried.  I have heard people say things from we will be going to war all the way to we will be eating Russian food because his wife is Russian.  These accusations are simply ridiculous.  In happier news, could we at least look at the positives of the election.  The biggest one are all the celebrities moving out of the United States! The following is a list of who is moving out of the U.S:

1. John Stewart
2. Chelsea Handler
3. Neve Campbell
4. Barry Diller
5. Lena Dunham
6. Keegan-Michael Key
7. Chloë Sevigny
8. Al Sharpton
9. Natasha Lyonne
10. Eddie Griffin
11. Spike Lee
12. Amber Rose
13. Samuel L. Jackson
14. Cher
15. George Lopez
16. Barbra Striesand
17. Raven-Symone
18. Whoopi Goldberg
19. Omari Hardwick
20. Miley Cyrus
21. Ruth Bader Ginsburg
22. Amy Schumer
23. Katie Hopkins

All 23 of these people said they would leave the United States…Well I hope their bags are packed because THEY GONE! Or are they bluffing?! We will find out!

*This blog does not mean I support or supported any of the presidential candidates!!

Do you think Gary Johnson and Jill Stein still set up party’s just in the off chance that they win? No offense to anyone voting for them! But I’m just curious to see what the party would be like. If you are still confused on who too vote for just write in Farley’s Castle! I’ll put a horse in every stable and a moat around every home! Huzzah! 

Congrats to the Chicago Cubs for winning the World Series after 100 years! Chicago now has baseball and hockey under their belt. It is good too see that sports in Chicago are coming back. Let’s see if the Bears and Bulls can pull something off in the next few years! 

P.S. I have been looking into a theory of coaches with facial hair. Both coaches, Joe Madden and Joel Quenneville have facial hair… Mike Ditka the mustache machine himself has a power stash. Coincidence?? I think not! Bring the stash back to Chicago and the rest of the sports will come! Let’s go Bears! 

Congrats to Chris Stapleton for winning Male Vocalist of the Year! This is his second win in this category. Look at that get-up he has on! Now that’s how I need to start dressing. Congrats to winning and thank you for bringing back real country!  

I just saw a picture of Mel Gibson and wow does he look different! The guy looks crazy. If he would’ve looked like this for The Patriot then I think the British would have left the colonies much earlier! 

You know you are in Southern Illioins when you see a person using a boat as a trailer. His couch, tv, clothes and more were all just piled high in the back. It wasn’t even covered or anything. And no he wasn’t just trying to tow his boat with him and his stuff. The boat was barely in one piece. He clearly took it apart in certain areas to make it a trailer. He must have been an engineering major because that takes skill! 

With all this technology we have on Earth, is it that hard to have a personalized voicemail greeting? I mean come on! On a daily average a person will make 5 status updates, 4 shares, 30 likes, 10 tweets, 17 retweets, 10 posts but no voicemail greeting. Is it that hard to just say your name followed by leave a message?! Oh yah Brendan… I left you a voicemail. 

To the person from China who has been viewing my blog…

感谢您阅读博客。是的，我们运往中国。你只需要单独支付运费和处理。

As for the Americans that are tying to learn Chinese…

Gǎnxiè nín yuèdú bókè. Shì de, wǒmen yùnwǎng zhōngguó. Nǐ zhǐ xūyào dāndú zhīfù yùnfèi hé chǔlǐ.

It really bothers me when I say, “Oh yah we’re leaving Thursday (the current day being obviously Wednesday)”,  and someone always has to respond, in a wise cracking tone, with, “you mean tomorrow!?”  Yes I clearly meant tomorrow but it is the same thing as saying Thursday.  I will take a cheeseburger and fries… I will have a burger with cheese and fries… They are the same things just stated in a different way.

After watching the numerous hours of movies and television shows I have learned, so far, five life lessons. 

1. Don’t be greedy. (Usually you lose everything in some tragic way) 

2. Kill the person right away. (Don’t stand there talking because they usually get away and kill you or you get caught)

3. Don’t make fun of the little guy. (He usually ends up becoming the hero of the story and kicking the sh*t out of you) 

4. Don’t split up. (Usually more people die or get lost this way- only spilt up with the people you don’t like) 

5. Don’t snoop around other people’s business. (If they’re a nice person then don’t worry about what they actually do for a living. Snooping only causes problems and people get hurt)

*More Movie Life Lessons will be posted in future blogs. If you have any lesson ideas please post, comment, tweet, text, email, etc. and you’ll receive a shoutout and have your idea posted.