Farley's Castle

Farleigh Castle also known as Farley Castle is a medieval castle in Farleigh Hungerford, Somerset, England. Although my family comes from Irish heritage I believe that my ancestors at some time in history controlled this castle. With that being said, I will begin to prepare for my campaign to conquer the castle and restore my family to the throne. I know this will not make me the king of England, however this will make me King of Farleigh Castle aka Farley Castle. From there we will focus on the rest of the country. So I ask you good knights who is with me?! Huzzah!!

P.S. For those of you wondering about my previous blogs about applying to become a chef and butler, yes I am still waiting for my interview; and no I do not think my conquest will effect my employment.

When I was at the gym the other day I noticed that just about everyone on the exercise equipment was watching TV. Most of the shows on the TVs were sports and news. Out of no where one of my brilliant ideas popped into my head. I decided to change some of the stations to The Food Network. At first no one noticed. Then out of no where a gentleman on the elliptical mumbles, “now who put this on?” Immediately after this the “can I speak to your manager” in him comes out. He gets down and walks to the desk asking for the remote. The young man at the desk walks over with the remote and notices several TVs with The Food Network on. He subtlety laughed under his breath. I’m glad he found it funny because the eight other people on the treadmills and ellipticals clearly did not.

My brother and his family are taking a road trip out of town for Presidents’ Day weekend. My nephew who is five years old is worried about his fish so he asked me to take care of him. Me being the favorite uncle of course said no. But after several minutes of him pestering me I agreed. So I now have this little fish which I have to feed everyday. All of the sudden I began thinking of all the mean things my older brother did to me. So I thought of an idea that would really give my brother and sister-in-law a run for their money. I was thinking about replacing the fish with something completely different. I began running down the list of animals and one really stood out to me. What if I replaced the fish with a baby alligator… I would simply tell my nephew that I accidentally gave the fish to much food and when I came down the next morning he looked like that. I think it would be hysterical. Why do my fans think? Should I do it?!

While driving to work I was almost involved in an accident with a deer. I know what you’re thinking and no the deer was not driving a car. Instead, the deer just stood there in the middle of the road. As I approached the deer she eventually moved but into oncoming traffic. I was relived for myself but then I began to worry about the deer. That was until I saw a smart car approach the deer

The other day I took my goddaughter and sister out for pizza. As we were driving my sister said, “you know people are going to think we’re a family and that she’s your kid.” I said, “yah that’s weird, let’s make sure that doesn’t happen in case the waitress is cute.” As we continued with the joke my sister stated, “don’t worry I’ll make sure to say you’re my brother.” After she said this I quickly replied, “yes but maybe you should start with saying she’s my niece. You wouldn’t want them to think we’re one of thooose families…”

The other day when I got home I opened the front door to retrieve the mail. As I looked down there were two grocery bags filled with a rotisserie chicken, potato salad, fruit salad and biscuits. I brought it inside and made a plate for dinner. As I was eating, it occurred to me there was no note. I did not know who dropped off the food or who the food was for. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and take a chance! Oh also it turns out it wasn’t actually for me but it sure was delicious!

Every year after New Years people always toss their Christmas trees on the curb to be picked up by the sanitation engineers. The streets are littered with mostly brown dying trees. Sometimes there are a few greenish tree on the curb. People driving past always think, did he buy the tree late? or I wonder where he buys his trees? Either way it confuses people. So I have decided that I’m going to buy a brand new Christmas tree around February or March, sneak it into my house and then the next day carry it out to place in front lawn to be picked up by the sanitation engineers. The engineers won’t dispose of the tree due to the laws against discarding agricultural products. So the tree will sit there for a few days. The neighbors will drive past and REALLY wonder where I got this tree!!

The other day someone sat down and let out a heavy groan as if they just had the longest day of their life. They rubbed their eyes, looked up at the clock and said, ” wow where did the day go?” After this response the only Italian in the room looked over and asked, “what did you call me?” It took me a couple of seconds to realize the joke but once I did, I could not stop laughing. Please let me know once you get the joke because I couldn’t make this up!

In today’s age you have to be careful about what you say, who you say it in front of and where you say it. People get offended by the smallest things which shows their true character. A Canadian sportscaster named Don Cherry said a very subtle comment about immigrants and Veterans Day. Don Cherry said, “You people you love our way of life, you love our milk and honey, at least you can pay a couple bucks for a poppy or something like that. These guys paid for your way of life that you enjoy in Canada, these guys paid the biggest price.” This comment had him fired after several decades of dedication to hockey. I am not backing up the comment or going against the troops or dissing immigrants. When asked about the comment, Cherry didn’t hide behind anyone or anything. He admitted to what he said. Cherry stated, “I know what I said and I meant it. Everybody in Canada should wear a poppy to honour our fallen soldiers.” In addition to this he stated, “But I said the wrong thing… Everybody. That’s what I meant… When I left that night, nobody said anything. It was the next day that they talked about it and the whole deal. So, that’s the way people want to take it. There’s nothing I can do about it.” Farley’s Castle rarely gets political, especially when it is about Canada. However, this time was different. People need to stop getting so offended and making things such a big deal. I guess sticks and stones may break bones but words will destroy lives and damage careers. I know Don Cherry will be back in full force. You can’t keep Grapes down!

Lately there have been numerous fast food restaurants that have been making plant-based meat products. I have nothing against vegans, vegetarians, health enthusiasts, environmental enthusiasts, etc. The one thing I cannot understand is why someone would take a delicious piece of prime red meat from one of Gods great creations and make it into a spiritless hunk of junk. In other words, why would you “transform” a plant into an “animal” that these people do not enjoy eating? Companies should at least make it into a different shape. Just an idea! Oh and to all you haters out there, I’m sure it tastes alright and you can’t taste the difference. But fun fact beef tastes delicious and it tastes just like beef. Amazing!